Prenatal Bonding
Intentional Relationship Building During Pregnancy
Last week, I shared on my Instagram that I had the privilege of getting to sit down with a woman here in Seattle who specializes in Prenatal Bonding, something I honestly hadn’t heard of before. Super informally, she and I talked about all things pregnancy, birthing, medical benefits, holistic benefits, the beautiful combo of the two approaches, and how mindset can influence so many parts of the entire experience. At 32 weeks, it felt really good for me to delve deeper into a conversation of the magic and mystery of the female body’s ability to create a life - I left feeling empowered, confident, and inspired to share.
When I use the word ‘magic’, I am not trying to give off ‘woo-woo’ vibes or present the pregnancy journey in a way that only illuminates the moments we glow and feel vibrant, ignoring all of the hardships. For me, the magic is simply the fact that our bodies are capable of such natural adaptations to such an extreme and intricate process. I find it truly fascinating.
Every day of my own pregnancy is a learning experience, and even though I try to keep my headspace clear and focused, I am definitely not always positive and bubbly about the whole thing. In fact, the changes I have been navigating over the past 8 months are new and scary, and unique to me, which makes figuring out how to manage my emotions toward them that much more challenging… because no one’s advice, no matter how good or well-intentioned, is tailored to my exact experience. With that said, I find that I’ve gravitated to the ideas of connection and openness to my baby’s side of the story throughout each phase. Reminding myself that regardless of how strange and uncomfortable it may feel for me… it’s all happening for him or her.
If you resonate with that sentiment, then you’ll probably be just as intrigued with prenatal bonding as I am.
So, what is prenatal bonding?
The name is pretty straight forward. Prenatal bonding is an intentional, specific, strategic psychology-based process through which an expectant mother can begin strongly connecting and bonding with her child, even before she gives birth, with guidance provided by a trained practitioner who has studied the attributes, benefits, and nature of this particular relationship.
“The mother-to-be is invited to let go and open herself for a new step in her life, to explore inner obstacles to that new family constellation. So inner hindrances that could have evoked a somatic tenseness during giving birth can be eliminated a long time in advance. Depending on the starting point, about 20–25 sessions are needed for the whole process of Prenatal Bonding” (K. Evertz et al, Handbook of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology)
According to the woman I spoke with, the process she follows typically has the mother-to-be begin engaging in these sessions around 15 weeks and continue all the way up to birth.
Some of the simple practices we discussed without getting into the precise methodology were:
Daily execution of ‘meditation style’ time to really feel your baby’s presence and allow any sort of messaging to come through. Essentially an intentional openness in which you allow yourself to feel and see what pregnancy, and your baby, is showing to you. She said a lot of women will simply see colors or imagery of life with their baby, and some even unearth some of their own childhood experiences that weigh on their hearts as they find themselves on the other side of the parent-child relationship. “This concerns the growth of the pregnant woman from the role of the “daughter of her mother” to the “mother of her baby” (K. Evertz et al, Handbook of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology)
Talking directly to your baby with the belief that they can feel and internalize your words. Talking about the visions you have for their arrival into the world, and simply working on allowing communicating with them as a distinct individual to feel natural. “The reflections of the baby’s feelings and perceptions by the mother allows for the fetus to expand and express itself, so a profound self-esteem can grow. The development of the brain is intensely stimulated, and the interest and trust of the baby in the outside world are empowered” (K. Evertz et al, Handbook of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology).
Recognizing & acknowledging your baby’s individuality & power, and factoring that into birth plans. Developing the belief that babies already carry the knowledge of the birth process; they know what to do, when to do it, and deserve respect for the role they are playing in the entire process.
Without actually partaking in the full series of practices she provides, I obviously cannot speak from experience to how it all works in detail, and I’m sure what you (as an individual) bring to the table also impacts outcomes of the process. However, there is statistical data that connects the formal Prenatal Bonding process with positive birthing experiences — “it can largely prevent preterm birth and birth trauma, reduce postpartum depression and often spare obstetrical interventions including caesarean section” (K. Evertz et al, Handbook of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology).
This doesn’t surprise me, because in my opinion it all comes back to confidence, connection, and really working on mitigating individualized fears surrounding the actual birthing process. I do believe that babies have more agency in their own birth than we give them credit for, and remembering that birth is a team effort between me and my baby feels like it will be a helpful tool when it comes time to make decisions that are best for both of us when our day comes.
Whether this all sounds crazy, obvious, or super interesting to you, I just wanted to share some positive energy and perspective with any other future mamas who are trying their best to figure out paths that allow them to feel safe and supported while leading them to their little one — it’s just nice to have ideas and tools to bring ourselves back out from the sinkhole of must-haves, to-do lists, fears, unsolicited advice, and sheer inundation of information, and refocus on the most important thing … the little magical human growing, learning, and existing inside of our wildly capable and fascinating bodies.
P.S. I am happy to share my contact with anyone who is genuinely interested in learning more directly from the source and/or potentially working with her as a client — just message me about it :)